Valentine's Special

Marriage

It’s hard to pin down marriage customs in Ghana because they are changing, but here’s a quick synopsis.
If a man wants to marry a woman, he will approach the woman’s parents. Some people say that he approaches the woman too, others disagree. I interpret this to mean that it varies. If the parents say no, then the marriage will not happen. There is a bride price. This is to buy the things that they will need for the house, such as dishes and cooking utensils.
After the price is settled, the couple has a courtship. During this time, the man will visit the woman’s house and vice versa so that they can watch how the person acts. The woman’s family will also ask around to see if there is any ill health or disreputable characters in the man’s family. The wedding can be called off during this time.
Occasionally, women are offered for marriage while they are still children. This tradition is dying off though.
Islamic men can take up to four wives if they are able to support them financially, pay the bride price, etc. The first wife does not get any input into this, although some men pointed out that there could be trouble in the house if the woman doesn’t want her husband to take another wife. He usually approaches her by reminding her that another wife will help her with the chores around the house. Jealousy is a common problem. One woman argues that taking wives is what keeps Ghana from developing, because the men can’t always feed all of the children. I’m not sure if there is truth to that, but there does seem to be some status in having multiple wives, so it would make sense for men to try to have more. Men with more wives are perceived as having more money. Families with one wife to a husband have just as many malnourished children as families with multiple wives. One man explained to me that having more wives is an economic advantage though, because most people are farmers. It is an advantage to always have someone available for farm. If one woman is pregnant, another one can still go to farm. I have seen many women in late pregnancy still going to farm though. More children can also mean more labor for farm. For women, the advantage of being one of multiple wives is that you might get a “very nocturnal husband…a maniac.” Keeping a very nocturnal maniac husband happy at night is a duty easier shared by multiple wives, apparently.

Weddings
Weddings are an all day affair. The bride comes to the man’s house, and people drop by to congratulate the groom’s father. People also drop by the bride’s father’s house to congratulate him. Loud music is played. There are a group of women and a group of men that act like our bridesmaids and best men, and they wear matching patterns. Women for the most part stay inside the courtyard, and men for the most part stay outside of it. This seems to hold true for most social functions here. There are no colors that are particular to weddings, it’s just what the person likes. The bride paints her feet with the zabelo. At some point in time, everyone goes to the mosque, where the Imam talks about married life. Just like in regular mosque service, men and women are separated. At the wedding I attended, the women didn’t even enter until the Imam had been talking for a good 15 minutes. Afterwards, everyone goes back out and continues to socialize. In the afternoon, the bride makes tezed for the groom’s family for the first time. A fowl is slaughtered for the occasion, and the man is warned not to judge the woman if the soup is not as delicious the next day when it doesn’t have fowl in it. After the wedding, the woman is responsible for cooking for the whole compound. She alternates this duty with any other wives the man has or that his brothers have (so it’s advantageous to marry someone whose brother already has a wife, or else you’re stuck cooking for everyone every night until another wife enters the family). I think that there is drumming and dancing in the evening of the wedding, but I went home after 5 hours so I’m not sure. Ghanaians have a lot of stamina in general, but particularly when it comes to their weddings, funerals, and naming ceremonies.

I Will Find You a Boyfriend
I always spend time at my market talking to the vendors (which frequently results in free food for me). A few months ago, I was talking to a woman setting up her stand. I would guess she was about 40, and a little plump. Like everyone else here, she wanted to know why I don’t have a husband, and I told her I wasn’t looking for one yet. She then asked me if I had a boyfriend. I told her no, and she said something in Dagboni I didn’t understand. I told her I didn’t understand, and she thought about it for a minute and then said in English “Sex! You a fine young lady. You need sex. Don’t worry. I know your village, I will find you a boyfriend.” I’m still waiting to hear back from her.

Ghanaian Pickup lines
For your entertainment, I’ve recorded the funniest pick up lines I’ve heard here.

- “Good afternoon. How is your house/father/mother/husband?”
“I don’t have a husband!”
“Then you should come and sleep with me.”
- “Do you have a husband?”
“No, I don’t like husbands. I won’t marry until I’m at least 50”
“But you will be in Ghana for 2 years? You should at least have a lover then.”